The Real Frank Zappa Book (Chapters 5-8)

FM:  It’s tempting to accuse Zappa of exaggeration when he writes of how insane his life as a musician was in the late Sixties and early Seventies.  But this was the “hippy era” in southern California.  His perspective might be presented in an odd way (like much of his amazing music) but life really was as out of control (today: “off the chain”) as he depicts it here.  The account of the Plaster-casters, to which he was introduced by Eric Clapton – sorry, can’t go into it here; a tad too vulgar for most tastes – is truly memorable writing.  Let’s just say it involves a rather perverse interest on the part of certain entrepreneurial young ladies in the appendages of famous popular musicians…

CJ:  The Log Cabin chapter sounded much more like the 1960's California I had imagined. I'm not sure if I believe the plaster-caster story, but hey, it's Frank. Chapters 6-8 should be required reading for all youngsters thinking they're going to play guitar, sing, and get the...well, you know. I have a much better grasp on the cynical view Frank seemed to have on life. The man just wanted to make music and everyone he encountered seemed dead set against it.

FM:  Zappa’s harrowing experience of being assaulted on stage by a fan, resulting in a lengthy hospital stay and subsequent wheelchair stint is appalling. “Drool Britannica” is, in part, a transcription of a trial in England that explored the “pornographic” elements of his lyrics; an intriguing precursor to his court appearances in the U.S. which will be covered later in the book.  The oh-so-proper phraseology of the Barrister and the Justice makes for an amusing contrast with the subject material and direct quotes from Zappa’s edgier lyrics!

CJ:  I too found the Drool, Britannia chapter amusing. Video footage of that court hearing with the stuffy, wigged judge reading those lyrics is the stuff of Monty Python that landed on the cutting room floor. Oh well, I guess watching Tipper Gore quote lyrics for the PRMC will have to do.  Chapter 8, All About Music started as kind of a walk down memory lane as he described the "tribes" in the band. "The percussionist are another tribe altogether". I'd never looked at band in that way, but it makes perfect sense.

FM:  But the real meat of this segment of the book is the chapter titled, “All About Music.” Here, we drop the thinly-veiled pretense of “autobiography” for a while, and concentrate on this truly distinctive (and, yes, I think important) artist’s personal philosophies of music.  He talks about his gradual transition from “putting dots on paper” for orchestras to perform, to eventually giving up on music notation and real musicians altogether.  “Every so often you hear someone from the Musicians Union complaining about the possibility of devices like the Synclavier [Zappa’s electronic composing tool of choice] putting musicians out of work.  I don’t think that will ever happen.  There are still plenty of people who believe that the only real music is music played by human beings (wearing leather and large hair) ...  Music comes from composers – not from musicians.”

CJ:  About page 160 I began to read words but have no comprehension of what I was reading except for little snippets about how America has screwed up culture on every level possible. The bulk of the middle of this chapter is above the vocabulary and comprehension of those not formally schooled in music. The intricate details of composition, recording, specific microphone types, mixing, etc just bogged me down. I did however find myself listening more intently in (no laughing) church on Sunday. Trying to pick out the detailed bits coming from each musician. I believe that was the first time in my life I really "listened" to the music instead of just singing along with the happy 4/4 120 stuff.  Though I've never encountered a real rock and roll band in a personal way, The Anthropology of a Rock and Roll Band is dead on! One of my sons is a bass player, the other a drummer. If they weren't my sons I'd tell them to work on their singing and guitar playing skills. Later in the chapter Frank returns to the rock and roll band and his guitar solo description brings to mind some of my favorite bands from the 80's.

FM:  He covers pretend performances (lip-syncing), conducting (“…when you draw designs in the nowhere – with a stick or with your hands – which are interpreted as ‘instructional messages’ by guys wearing bowties who wish they were fishing”), his approach to playing and soloing on guitar, being the leader of a band, the importance (or not) of lyrics, deviating from the norm (without which progress in not possible), “hateful practices,” and many things relating to these.  “Hateful practices” refers to the way composition is taught in college composition courses, learning “the rules” of composing:  “I find music of the classical period boring because it reminds me of ‘painting by numbers.’  There are certain things composers of that period were not allowed to do … The Ultimate Rule ought to be:  “If it sounds GOOD to YOU, it’s bi____n; and if it sounds BAD to YOU, it’s sh___y.” … American radio listeners, raised on a diet of ______ (fill in the blank), have experienced a musical universe so small they cannot begin to know what they like.”

CJ:  Deviation from the Norm on page 185 really struck a chord with me and made me a little sad for Foreverman.

FM:  (Referring to my years of “struggling” with the “Norms” in the Band Halls across Oklahoma and Texas, and fighting the urge to indulge in “Deviation!”)

CJ:  I hate the "that's the way we've always done it" mentality, apparently so did Frank. So what if a musician can play a piece of music that's 500 years old, they started playing bits of it the first time they picked up their instrument. Thank goodness our band directors still teach sight reading...it's good to learn something new. He carried this rant into "Hateful Practices". There I learned a new quote I'm going to share with many of my narrow friends here in Okieland. "If something is hateful, you should at least know what is is you're hating so you can avoid it in the future." !!!!!

FM:  Yes, an interesting variant on "Those who ignore the past are doomed to repeat it"!  Frank’s keynote address to at the 1984 convention of American Society of University Composers is priceless:  “I do not belong to your organization.  I know nothing about it.  I’m not even interested in it – and yet a request has been made for me to give what purports to be a keynote speech … For those of you who don’t know, I am also a composer.  I taught myself how to do it by going to the library and listening to records.  I started when I was fourteen and I’ve been doing it for thirty years.  I don’t like schools.  I don’t like teachers.  I don’t like most of the things that you believe in…”  What a unique approach to “relating to” your audience!  He goes on to talk about “Debbie,” the prototype of the American music consumer that is adhered to by the Music Industry’s powers that be.  Hilarious – a truly inspired speech!

CJ:  This section goes on to discuss funding and norms and......DEBBIE! Oh, Debbie, yes, I know this girl, and I've actually seen some statistics at some point that indicate that American teens ages 13-17 are the driving force of the American economy, especially in the realm of the music industry. It kind of makes me wonder if there has been any change in this phenomenon since the advent of the digital age. Record stores are a thing of the past, wouldn't be nice if Debbie was too?

 

Next Week:  Chapters 9-14
Week 4:  Chapters 15-19